that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
