And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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