no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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