I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My penis needs a shock collar
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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