He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
