your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
