i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
