I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
