Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Randomize
