I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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