Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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