and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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