i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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