I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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