My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
bring money and cleavage
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
