I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
