she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
