hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
