so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
