All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
