Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
