My hand turned me down
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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