i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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