I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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