i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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