If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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