It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
