What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
