I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
