if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
