i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
