Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
