A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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