the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
