a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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