how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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