I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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