I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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