best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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