Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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