I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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