Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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