your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
