I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
