She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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