I wanna passion pit in your ass
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
