I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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