You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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