She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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