It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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