I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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