Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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